The Swearing Jar /

If you are in Toronto (or desperate to get away from wherever else you live), please come out and see my talented Unspun friends in my newest play, The Swearing Jar, from June 7-9 and 13-16. It is a fifteen minute version of the play I am writing with the Tarragon Playwrights' Unit, and there are a ton of other great acts to watch. It also marks my directing debut! I get to be unapologetically bossy! I love it!

Here is the press release if you're interested:

"LUCKY 13TH FOR CABBAGETOWN’S SLAW FESTIVAL!

The Cabbagetown Theatre Company (CTC) presents The 2007 "Lucky 13th" Slaw Festival, featuring 6 short, fresh and funny original works, a Slam Poet and a Jazz Artist! The Slaw runs at the Cabbagetown Community Arts Centre, 454 Parliament Street just south of Carlton, from June 7 – 9 and June 13 - 16, 2007. Showtime is 8 p.m., and tickets are $15 with $10 SPECIALS ON JUNE 7 AND LUCKY JUNE 13. Call (416) 921-3406 to reserve.

Slam Poetry artist Arianna Pozzuoli, who most recently represented Toronto at the International World Poetry Slam, starts off the Slaw this year, followed by "Chew On This", directed by MC Thompson. Actors Michelle Cote, Chris Irving and Dave Lapsley are three caged mammals with three typewriters trying to come up with the "next big thing".

After last year's Fringe hit "Humans Anonymous", playwright Kate Hewlett is back with a heartbreaking new comedy about love, loss...and swearing. "The Swearing Jar" features Unspun Theatre members Chris Hanratty, Christopher Stanton and Shira Leuchter and is directed by Kate Hewlett. Chris Hanratty and Chris Stanton co-wrote the 2006 Fringe hit "Minotaur", which was directed by Stanton and performed by Hanratty.

The Slaw Festival is also extremely fortunate to feature the vocal talents of Toronto jazz artist Shannon Butcher (www.swingrosie.com/www.shannonbutcher.com).

Bell directs Allison McWood's quirky "Bentley Burnout", which features CTC veterans Stephen Flett, Rob Candy, Blake Thorne and Lynn Zeelenberg, plus new addition Zahir Gilani. Allison McWood penned the Fringe 2006 hits "It Was Kit" and "Welcome To Eden: Population Two".

The prolific Brent Barkley brings another world premiere to our Slaw stage. After the success of "The Vodka Talking" and "Flat Busted" (both in the 2006 Fringe), Barkley has written "The Rub", directed by Blake Thorne and featuring the talents of Chris Irving and Michael Posthumus.

Anne Harper directs William McGill's "Incompetent In Love". When a man looking for self-help (Liam Doherty) enters into conversation with a bookstore attendant (Nancy Bradshaw), a new chapter opens up for both of them.

The absurdly-amusing "Less Is More Misérables" by R.J. Fenton closes the 2007 Slaw. Directed by CTC's Kim Sprenger, it features the laugh-out-loud comedic talents of Elisabeth Feltaous and Brian Ablett."

Hope to see you there. I'll be there (probably after a couple of calming glasses of wine. I'm not actually in the play, so I'm allowed to do that now. Directing is AWESOME.)

K.

P.S./

Oh, don't even get me STARTED on Coke Zero. It's from the gods. My teeth are disintegrating because I'm a grinder -- (think sleeping, not dancing) -- and a dentist told me NEVER to drink Coke products because it would only speed up the process. I can't help it, though. Coke Zero is like actual Coke without the actual Coke sugar. It doesn't taste like Diet Coke Chemical Waste -- it tastes like proper Coke. That, my friends...is a scientific miracle.

Goodnight. (It's 3:51 am. When am I going to turn into an adult and get home at a reasonable hour?)

Also...I'm currently beating Madonna in blogland, thanks to you(s). I'm going to have lovely dreams tonight, possibly involving pointy metallic bras.

K.

Masochism, Madonna and Diet Root Beer/

So now that I've discovered mini-posts, I am a much happier, much less productive person. If given the choice between writing...oh...I don't know...a PLAY, or writing a little itsy bitsy new post (a postlet, if you will) I can't help but choose the postlet.

Today's post is about nothing; however, I can't admit that, so let's just say that it's about root beer. Root beer is disgusting. It always seems to be flat, no matter how recently it was opened. It generally has a picture of some creepy and unidentifiable animal on the front; it looks misleadingly similar to Coke, which makes for a lot of nasty surprises at children's birthday parties; you can't mix it with alcohol (well you could, but it would be a waste of good alcohol); it often doesn't have caffeine in it, so it offers little to no mood-altering benefits...and it tastes like soap. So why, ladies and gentleman...why am I addicted to DIET ROOT BEER? This is a mystery to me. Asspartame (I spelled it like that on purpose) is terrifying and is bound to contribute to the extinction of the human race. It also tastes like a cleaning product, so why when it is used to make the diet version of the only pop I don't like (excluding Dr. Pepper, which is an eternal mystery to me)...do I spend ten dollars a week on the stuff? Somehow, something about it just works. (Kind of like ketchup rice cakes. WHOLE other post(let).)

Now, onto other forms of masochism...

I just went to the gym and did a class called "Boot Camp". It didn't feel anything like camp, and not one person was wearing anything resembling boots. My legs hurt. My face looks like a swollen beet. I'm bruised. And beaten down. AND I FEEL FANTASTIC. WOW. I'm gonna do that again tomorrow. Loved every miserable minute of it.

Also...keep voting for David for Best Geek Blog! And I have to just be shameless here for a second and say that if I get three more votes for best celebrity blog, I will be ahead of Madonna. Yes, THE Madonna. (Not the holy one -- the other one.) I know it won't last, but it would be pretty cool to beat Madonna at something. She's MADONNA, for god's sake.

Okay bye. I'm going to ice my glutes now.

K.

Does this man look like a geek to you?/

Personally, I'd say 'yes'. I'd say it loud and clear. I'd yell it off a mountain top (since I'm moving to Vancouver soon). I'd put it in print. I'd even tell the world by voting for my own brother as the best geek blogger.

There is a link over there------------------->

If you want to "show your support" (which actually means "insult my brother to bring me great joy") vote for David's blog as the best geek blog! Hey, he might as well get something positive out of his eternal geekiness, right?

(Wait a second...he's a lead on a hit TV series; he's marrying a hot British lady; he has a famous dog; his first movie got picked up by MGM. Oh forget it...he's doing just fine. Vote for boingboing instead.)

K.

A New, Improved, Better, Bigger (Hey! I found the 'make things huge' button!), Smarter, Bloggier, More Focused, Cooler, Devoteder, Badder Grammarer, More Commiteder Blogger/

I have decided to blog more often. (Can I use the word 'blog' like that? It's a verb as well, right? Like 'facebook'. I'm gonna 'facebook' you. I 'facebook'. You 'facebook'. We 'facebook'. He 'facebooks'. She 'facebooks'. They are 'facebooking'. I'll 'facebook' you later, hotstuff. Right? Guys? Can I get another coffee over here? Thanks.)

~

(I just had a soy latte.)

Yes. So. I have made several important and life-altering realisations about blogging which have inspired me to write more often. Here they are, in no particular order:

1) Blog entries can be short.
2)

(Wait...if they are in no particular order, why am I numbering them like that? I'll try that again.)

-ahem-

My Realisations, in no particular order:

5) Blog entries don't have to be funny. They can be smart, informative, poignant, or have naked pictures in them.

3) Blog entries can be short. That takes away some of the pressure.

23) Blogs don't have to involve cats.

7) I have two cats. They wrestle and eat plastic.

2) Sometimes, you can write a blog entry about nothing at all.

I'm going to take these important lessons to heart and end this post here, with no apology for brevity, catfilledness, humorlessness or lack of substance.*

K.
*Sorry.

Wow! Thanks!/

Someone commented on my blog and let me know that I have been nominated for a blogger's choice award! I put the link over there ------------------------------------>
because I couldn't figure out how to make it work in the body of this post. I tried three times, which makes it sort of hilarious that I've been nominated for something that even remotely involves technology.

Anyway...thanks so much to whoever decided to nominate Loft in Translation! That's exciting! (My excitement is actually making me use 75% more exclamation marks than I would normally use. That's a temporary condition that I promise will go away before my next post. I mean... "my next post!")

I guess I'd better get my ass in gear and start blogging again, huh? Yeah.

lazily,
k.

La la la la Vacation/

So...the play (Noble Parasites) closed on Sunday afternoon and I moved into a new, temporary apartment on Monday morning. On Tuesday I nursed a hangover and some aching muscles, on Wednesday I went to my friend Amy's birthday party in the park, and today...I'm drinking coffee and catching up on everything I haven't been doing for the last six weeks (including blogging), other than taxes, which I'm simply not ready to face yet.

First off: thanks so so so much to those of you who came to see the show. I really appreciate it. Thanks also to Dianne, Shelley and the Yahoo gang (that sounds vaguely dirty) for the flowers and wristbands. There were a few shows that had larger audiences, so I'll give credit where credit is due and thank all you Stargatatic Stargatonian Stargations for showing up. To those of you who live in England...I understand why you couldn't be there. Have some fish and chips for me instead. And some British chocolate. Soooooo gooooooooood. Sooooo daaaaaaaaamn goooood. Flaaaaaake bars. Currrrrly Wurrrrrly.

Sorry. I was having a chocolate moment there.

So, I am currently unemployed and happy about it. I do have a week of work coming up in June (hint hint nudge nudge wink wink) but until then, I am enjoying my little writing-filled vacation.

I wish I had something interesting and groundbreaking to talk about. Even just some news would do. News. News news news. Oh! I think I may have brought carpet beetles from my last apartment to my current apartment. AWESOME. Apparently, they live off cat hair, which means that they must be the happiest carpet beetles in Canada, because Rufus sheds like a monkey. (Do monkeys shed a lot? I have no idea why I just said that. I couldn't think of a single animal that sheds. I'm going to order another coffee now and splash it on my face.) Martha doesn't shed much, but she wrestles with Rufus and then drops clumps of his hair everywhere for a few hours afterward. She also has no interest in killing carpet beetles. Rufus plays with the carpet beetles but has no claws so the carpet beetles usually win. I can't kill anything because I am a freak of nature with a healthy dose of Catholic guilt (even though I'm not Catholic) so it is possible that I don't actually have a carpet beetle problem. I may just have one carpet beetle. One carpet beetle who never gets killed and who, quite frankly, is a bit of a show-off.

Other news? Uh...I'm writing a short play for the Slaw Festival in Cabbagetown, which should be fun, and three of my wonderful and talented friends will be acting in it. I'm directing for the first time, which I'm hoping will nicely suit my overwhelming bossiness.

Oh! I have BIG NEWS! I forgot! I'm going to move to Vancouver for three months this summer and see how I like it. If I like it as much as I think I like it, I may move there, although I can't imagine living in a different city from all my friends. New starts are scary, huh? Maybe I'll miss Toronto and realize that this is actually where I want to live. Anyway...the goal for September is a decision of some kind. I'll be living in Kitsilano for the summer with my friend Moose (that's not his real name and he's not actually a Moose) so I'm very excited about that.

I'm late for my 6 o'clock meeting. Aaaaaah! Shoot!

Hope you are all well and happy. I am!

K.