Just a Quick and Shameless Post/

Hello! I wanted to tell those of you who live in (or near) New York City that my first play Humans Anonymous (which premiered at the Toronto Fringe Festival over the summer) is going to be performed as a staged reading in New York next week, thanks to the Bridge Theatre Company. I am heading to the Big Apple on December 2nd and the readings themselves are happening on Dec. 6 and 7. I will be playing a small role and, more importantly, hanging out in New York for a week! Any advice?? Things to see? Things not to see? Things to eat? Things not to eat? Rufus and Martha will have a live-in nanny (yeah, it's M.), so don't worry about them. After I get Rufus shaved tomorrow, he'll be too angry and humiliated to look at me anyway, so it's probably the perfect time to go away.

For more info about the show...go to the HUMANS ANONYMOUS link to the right. -------->
(That was supposed to be an arrow.)

Also, if you're in the Toronto area, my good friends at Unspun Theatre are doing a wonderful show called Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump from Nov. 30-Dec. 16. They are an amazing, creative company and the show will be nothing less than brilliant. The play is directed by Brendan Gall (yes -- that Brendan Gall) and the cast includes: Christopher Stanton, Chris Hanratty, Shira Leuchter (see effusive link) and Trish hotstuff Lahde. Chris and Chris are the Co-Artistic Directors of the company and Brendan and I are Associate Artists. (Hey! I have a title!) There is a link to the show just over here ---------------->
uh...actually more like ----------------------------------------------------------------------^

Man, I'm lovin' the arrows today.

Other than that...happy Wednesday from me, from soon-to-be-spayed Martha and from soon-to-be-bald Rufus. And NO I WILL NOT POST PICTURES. What kind of evil cat-owner do you think I am?*

*Pictures to follow

K.

Cats, Claps...and Slaps/

Oh no! It's been so long since I posted that I've forgotten what the titles are supposed to look like. I know I use the Hugify Text button and some kind of limey greeney colour, but I forget if there is a space before the forward slash. I know, I know...I could just check the blog, but I'm testing my memory skills (which translates to: "I'm too lazy".)

So...loads and loads of news. Where do I even begin? Um...how about...the new apartment:

Well, KRAM is certainly an apt name for my new bachelor pad. It is TINY! Oh, hey, look at that -- there's a 'tiny' button. I'm going to use it. So, yeah, my new apartment is tiny. Like so tiny that when I'm standing in the living room, my bum is in the kitchen. So tiny that Rufus actually looks more like a whale trapped in a cage than a cat. So tiny that when Martha tries to run from one end of the apartment to the other, just as she picks up speed, she has to stop, so she inevitably ends up sliding into the wall headfirst. So tiny that I don't need wireless internet, because the ethernet cable reaches everywhere in the apartment. So tiny that my bed doubles as a couch/armchair/cat bed/very soft shelf/table for popcorn. Yeah. Tiny.

Also...my neighbours are a TOTAL NIGHTMARE. On one side, they listen to dance music at full volume ALL DAY. Who dances all day? Who dances at home? Who even likes dance music? Who can bear that relentless bass? (If you're picturing a pushy fish right now, I mean the other kind of bass.) The other gentleman who I share a wall with enjoys playing video games in the middle of the night, also at full volume. And I don't mean Pac Man, here. I mean horrible screaming bloody gun-filled boobalicious awfulness. And he cheers for himself when he kills someone. Who are these people?

Other than that, it's a lovely apartment. I adore the location and having my own little space. Martha and Rufus are the best of friends (um...they're supposed to rip each other's fur out, right? It's a sign of love, right? Guys? Hello? Anyone?) The sunlight pours in through the window in the morning and wakes me up the way I love to be woken up. (Except on the days that some moron ties his dog up right outside my window at 5am and goes into Tim Horton's for half an hour while the dog wails his little lungs out. I don't love that so much.) All in all, though -- a happy home, KRAMmed as it is.

Now...the trip to Los Angeles. Wow. Yikes. Yipes. Holy moly. Ya ya ya. (That means "it was fun".) On Thursday, we had the first ever screening of A Dog's Breakfast, my brother David's directorial film debut. There was a lineup outside the theatre and the film was sold out! I was incredibly nervous, so while David worked his magic and made his way down the line talking to the Stargatonians, I...well...I hid. I've never really been in a situation like that before, and I didn't know what to do! I wanted to talk to people, but I wondered if they'd be like "Why is that girl from the Scotiabank commercial following David around?" Anyway...one kind lady approached me and talked about McKay and Mrs. Miller, so I felt a little more comfortable after that. Then the musical genius Tim Williams showed up, so I proudly hung out with him all night. The film was fantastic! I haven't seen it before, and I loved it! It's really David's movie -- almost all the humour comes from his antics and his unbelievable comic timing. He is simply hilarious. (I'm sucking up because I smacked him on the forehead on Saturday in front of hundreds of people at the convention.) The movie really is great, though. The script is hilarious and David's performance made me laugh so hard I was crying. I was trying to be quiet because there has to be some rule about chuckling away at a movie you're actually in, but I couldn't keep it in. To everyone reading this: ask for a screening in your city or town, if you haven't already -- it will be well worth your while! Paul, Rachel, Chris, Amanda, Michael and of course Mars the wonder dog also did a great job and the music is AMAZING. Tim is going to make some serious money off the soundtrack if/when it gets released.

Okay, enough gushing.

Now onto the convention. My first convention. I was sort of expecting thousands of screaming people dressed up like Hermiod, but it wasn't like that at all. Everyone was so great and so supportive. The first Q&A (for A Dog's Breakfast) was a bit scary, but after I slapped David, I felt much better. On Sunday, David and I did another Q&A (which was slightly less nerve-wracking) and then an autograph session. Other than the fact that I'm left-handed and smeared marker across most of the photos I signed, the signing was a big success. It was so nice to meet everyone. David teased me mercilessly about the photo of me that I was signing. I thought it was a gorgeous photo -- if you're into cross-eyed, overly happy people who clap enthusiastically while playing with a train set. (It's so funny!)

Anyway...I know it's shameless to post a picture of myself signing autographs, but it was a wild and crazy experience for me (and it's the only photo of the convention M. took that I can actually use) so I decided to include it. I didn't bring my camera, because the pictures are always so dark that it's sort of a waste of time unless I'm taking a picture of a light bulb. The sole (again, not the fish) reason I haven't posted a photo of Martha is because she's got black fur and she doesn't show up in any of the pictures. I might as well have adopted a pile of black socks with two green eyes stuck in the middle of them.

Los Angeles itself is a really cool city. I could never live there, because I don't have a driver's license and I would be hitchhiking to auditions, but it's a great place to visit. I'm sitting here bundled up in my winter coat reminiscing about a morning swim M. and I had three days ago. THREE DAYS AGO! Crazy.

This is a loooooong post. Wow. Enough.

For those of you I got to meet...it was a real pleasure. Cat, I am so sorry that we didn't get to meet up at the convention, but I will email you soon. Julie, Jen the fan girl (if that's your real name...) and all those who helped out with the screening, thank you for all your hard work on promoting A Dog's Breakfast. I hope you enjoyed it half as much as I did!

Happy Wednesday. I hope it's warmer where you are.

K.

Loft in Transition?/

So...I moved. I am no longer a member of PHARK. PHARK has, in fact, dissolved and will soon transition into PAG instead. (Or GAP, I guess, but I hate their pants. Too big in the waist, too small in the hips.) I can't bear to change the name of the blog, because I'll never ever come up with something that clever again. Um...let's try..."No-Loft, Not Being Translated"? Nope. Lame. Uh..."Eternal Sunshine of the Loftless Mind"? Even lamer, because it sounds like I'm actually trying. "Paradise Loft"? Well that doesn't make a lick of sense. And what's worse, I just used the word "lick" in the 1950s old man way. Ohhhh dear. "The Bachelorette"? Nope, I'm not single. "My Apartment"? Catchy, Hewlett. Reeeeeal catchy.

See? It's useless. So I'm keeping the title "Loft in Translation", even if it means that I have to spy on P, A and the mysterious new G in order to justify my decision. So there.

And now, if I may...ladies and gentlemen (all two of you)...I present:

KRAM

It's the new PHARK, but with less space and more cats.

That's right. I adopted a second cat. Her name is Martha, and I could fit about seven cats her size into Rufus' generous belly (not that I've tried. That would be HORRIFYING.) She is fluffy and black-brown (like all my IKEA furniture) and very, very small. Rufus and Martha chase each other around the new apartment (all ten square feet of it) while Martha bares her claws and Rufus swings his stumps...and they sleep on my bed together at night. Neither one of them shows the slightest bit of interest in me. I'm just the one who opens the blinds for them so they can make that weird "want to eat pigeons" noise they love so much; the one who puts their food out when they knock breakables off high surfaces to let me know they're hungry; the one who discourages them from storing their toys in the litterbox. Yep, Crazycatladyland can get a little lonely. (Not really. That was just for dramatic effect.)

So that's my news!

Also...I think I'm going to go to Los Angeles for the Dog's Breakfast screening this month. Will I meet any of you there??

Until then, I'll be unpacking. And picking up tufts of fur...

K.