Meet Zarrin: The Wet One /

Okay, now that you're paying attention...

...get your mind out of the gutter.  In fact, get your whole body out of the gutter.  You're gonna get a tapeworm.  Zarrin is "wet" for exactly 90 minutes a day -- the 90 minutes she spends teaching Bikram yoga to the masochistic masses.  (Ever tried Bikram yoga?  I have.  It makes you feel like you could conquer the world... if you could only stop barfing long enough to try.)

Zarrin is amazing.  She's smart, she's fit, she's independent and she's engaged to a bouncer.  (A bouncer at Victoria's Secret in the Eaton Centre, but a bouncer nonetheless.)  Her parents moved from Jamaica to Stratford when she was five.  Then they moved to Orangeville.  Then Port Hope.  Then Oakville.  Then Toronto, after eight-year-old Zarrin went on a surprisingly effective hunger strike.

Zarrin's dad is a nurse, and her mom is a doctor.  (This confuses people more often than you might expect in 2012.)  They've always made a good living, but they don't believe in handouts.  As a teenager, Zarrin's allowance was four dollars a month...and she had to contribute to the utilities bill.  For fifteen years, Zarrin attended a swanky private school in North Toronto, somehow managing to make mid-calf-length kilts and sailor collars look cool.  She hated art and loved Math.  She hated boys and loved her married Math teacher.  She went to McGill because she needed to get away from her parents...and, let's face it, because French guys are hot.

After four years together, Zarrin and her fiance, Chris, are ready to take their relationship to the next level.  When her parents buy a KILLER three-bedroom loft in Cabbagetown as an investment, they agree to rent it to their daughter.  For $2000.00 a month.  Jerks.  If Zarrin wants to live in her dream home and step things up with Chris, there's only one solution:  move in with him.  And Amelie.  And Maxim.  And Jen.  And Jen's bulldog.  (More on these characters later, but you can follow Jen on twitter under the handle @getloft.)

This is where Loft in Translation: The Series, Based on the Blog, Based on My Life (working title...) begins.

Zarrin loves her life, she loves her buddies, she loves her fiance (despite the odd fight sparked by the Victoria's Secret fashion shows he's "forced" to attend.)  But moving in with your boyfriend isn't easy.  And moving in with someone else's boyfriend is even harder.  Especially when he's French.

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'Loft in Translation' is a series concept by Kate Hewlett.  Ideas, feedback, corporate sponsors and independently rich benefactors welcome.

Loft in Translation: The Series /

Let’s face it:  life is tough for women in their twenties.

Sure, okay, their thighs still look like thighs, not cottage cheese trapped in sausage casing.  And fine, yes, the world is their oyster, not a discarded shrimp trampled underfoot at Loblaws.  They still get noticed by construction workers, they occasionally get carded at the liquor store, and men date them for their looks and personality, not for the width of their hips and their ability to rear children.

But they’re lost.   They’re broke.  They’re not sure whether to get a second degree, or pawn their first one for weed.  If they have boyfriends, they’re trying to figure out if he’s the one.  If they’re single,  they’re trolling eHarmony for men who know there’s an alternate spelling of “your”.  (Two, in fact.)  All they need is a place to call home… and they really can’t afford one.

Zarrin, Jen &  Amélie have been buddies since their first year at McGill.  They’ve studied together, partied together, and been charged for aggravated assault together.  (It was a misunderstanding.  Story for another time.)  But since school, they’ve taken very different paths.  Zarrin teaches Bikram by day and preps for her wedding (to fiancé Chris) by night.  Amélie has a blossoming career, tutoring over-privileged teens with underdeveloped French skills.  She’s also in her first-ever long-term relationship (with Maxim.  He’s French, too.)  Jen is a… uh, Jen focuses mostly on... Jen likes to cook.  Well, microwave.   And she’s got a really cute bulldog.

When Zarrin’s parents decide to invest in a swanky Toronto loft, they suggest that she and Chris rent it from them.  The location is perfect (Regent Par—ahem, Lower Cabbagetown).  The loft is enormous (three bedrooms… or two, depending on your definition of “partition”).  And the rent is… high.  HIGH.  Wow, Zarrin’s parents are jerks.  The only logical solution is for the couples (and Jen) to move in together.  But when two couples with raging libidos (and Jen) shack up together, the results are anything but stable.  Loft in Translation is a sexy, biting comedy about couples living together…together.

With Jen.  Because someone has to rent the cheap room.

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A new comedy by Kate Hewlett, who is not at all in her twenties but still remembers them.  Except for the tequila parts.

Follow Jen (@getloft) on twitter.  She's not real, but she's highly addictive.