The Post With The Most* /

*Some conditions apply.  May in fact be a mediocre post.  Author may be using "most" as an abbreviation for "almost", which doesn't make grammatical sense, but which seems like a good excuse because the author didn't get enough sleep last night and is really super tired.  Warning: may cause choking.  Offer not available in Canada.

I'm blogging tonight because I'm a woman of my word:  I said that I'd update on Sundays and will you look at that?  It's Sunday again.

In some countries.

Like...in...Australia.

And in...Sp...eng...aly.  Spengaly, yeah.  It's definitely Sunday there.  And so humid!

Ahem.

So...

This week was definitely an improvement on last week, and not just because I knew better than to watch "V" this time around.  (Sorry to any "V" fans out there, but WOW.  Wow.  No.)  I had my last Italian class of the term, so I now feel confident that if I went to Italy, I could converse with a really slow six-year-old about numbers, colours and days of the week.  So that's helpful.

I drank cheap champagne with my lady-friends on Thursday night, then attended a masquerade ball with them on Saturday night, where I consumed far too many Molson Canadians, at seven dollars a bottle.  I also had my first on-camera audition in months, which involved too much makeup and some awkward flirting.  (As the character, of course.)  We had yet ANOTHER goddamn mother-freakin' open house on Saturday, with the goal of selling a home that someone else owns that we don't want to leave.  So that was interesting.  I had to whisk the cats away on an adventure in order to free up the house for the real estate agents and potential buyers. (An actual adventure, I mean.  That wasn't a euphemism for the vet's office or that big litterbox in the sky.)

My macbook air just beeped at me in a long, sad, meek little way.  It's never made that sound before.  Hmmm...

I found out yesterday that Flashpoint won a whole truckload of Geminis on Saturday night (yaaaaaay!) and that Erin Karpluk (who is possibly the coolest lady on the planet...not that I've met her, but she seems like she would be) won a Best Actress award for Being Erica.  I love that show and think that she is phenomenally talented.

What else...

Oh!  I also went to opening night of (I'm going to get this titel wrong.  And apparently misspell "title" in the process.  Here goes nothin'...)  My Mother's Jewish Lesbian Wiccan Wedding.  (Was that right?  I'll look it up and make sure.)  It was wonderful!  If you are in or near Toronto, you should see it.  It is thoroughly charming, as well as funny, heartwarming and unexpectedly moving.  The staging is very simple, so don't expect a chandelier to fall on your head, a Chevy to drive across the stage, or buckets of beer to be dumped on the audience.  (That last one's never actually happened, but a girl can dream.)  It basically feels like a group of friends telling a story that's personal to them in a creative and engaging way.

I'm going to stop pretending to be a reviewer now.  I liked Twilight, for goodness' sake.  What do I know?

One last thing about the show, though:  LISA HORNER.  She's the lead in the show; she carries it; she's beautiful; she's open; she sings like an angel (a cool one with great hair) and she is wonderful to watch.

That's my schpiel.

I'm going to bed now.  It's time.  It's really really time.

k.

p.s.  Yes, I did in fact get the titel/title wrong.  It's My Mother's Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding.  Because the lesbian part happens first.  That's how I'm going to remember it.  It will also help that the poster is on my blog.  And the title is conveniently written on the poster.  They thought of everything.

Happy Smonday /

If I call it "Smonday", it sounds a little more like "Sunday", which means I'm a hair closer to meeting my goal of blogging the same day each week.  So happy Smonday, folks.

Last week was utter craziness!  I had some major rewrites to do on my short film, as well as Italian homework, flu recovery, meetings meetings meetings and an open house (because our landlords are selling our perfect little house -- BOOOOOO.  My roommate and I do NOT want to move again.)

Making a short film is a lot of work -- who knew?!  When all is said and done, She Said Lenny will probably end up being eight or nine minutes long...and my business partner and I have been working on it for two years!  We were set to shoot the thing this month, but that is unlikely to happen, so we are now aiming for early March.  I am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up (yes, still), which will affect what my role is in the creation of the film.  Should I act in it?  Should I direct it?  [Terrifying prospect.  I have so much admiration for my brother, who directed a feature film (A Dog's Breakfast) his first time out of the gate.]  Should I shadow a kick-ass director?  Should I learn how to produce so that I can get stuff done and not be waiting around for other people all the time?  Should I focus on writing and let the experts handle the technical stuff?

It's oddly disconcerting to be 32 (almost 33) and not quite know what to do with my life.  It's also kind of exciting.  And it's nice to have the luxury of being able to ask those questions.

In other news:  a stranger called me a c**t this morning.  Always a nice start to the day.  I was just minding my own business, enjoying the sunshine and drinking a latte made out of beans, when an angry man with pre-pubescent facial hair came up to me, pointed in my face and called me...you got it...the C-word.  I'm not sure where my impulse came from, but I gave him a big smile and said "Thank you!  Have a nice day."  This made him even angrier.  He growled, "There are others like you," at which point I realized that he was out of his f**kin' mind.  Which made it less personal, somehow.  It was also reassuring to learn that there are other c**ts around -- you know, in case I need friends and no one will talk to me because I'm such a c**t.

Wow.  I'm deriving way to much pleasure from the cartoon swearing today.

&*!@

**!@!

Have a happy week, everyone.  And remember: don't let crazy men on the street ruin your day.  I think you're swell.

k!t@

Fluuuuuu /

There was no post this Sunday, because I was suffering from the worst flu I've ever had.  Craziness.  Much better now, though!

More soon...

la la la...

(I'm just trying to make this look longer.)

K

A

T

E

Monday?! What?! Already? /

Well, I spent the entire day thinking it was Sunday, so I'm going with that excuse and blogging today instead. I almost missed my own dinner party, in fact, because I was so convinced that it was still the weekend. Oops. The dinner party went very well, though. Tacos. Veganlicious.

I am so tired that typing is requiring more energy than a spin class would on a normal day. Not that I do spin classes, but if I did, I think this is how I would feel. On a normal day.

That made a-no-a-sense-a.
(Yes, I have Italian class tomorrow. Domani! Looking forward to that. Si. Prego. Puccini.)

I had a lovely week with lovely people. Parties and meetings and writing and classes and more writing and a bit too much wine. (I'm back! Yaaaaahooooooo!)

Both of the cats are asleep and I'm jealous of them. I think I have to go to bed. Otherwise, I might start saying nonsensical things.

Potato prom pants.
(I warned you.)

k.

Start spreading the shoes...or booze...depending on which one you prefer as a title /

Another Sunday, another blog entry. (See? When I make rules for myself, I stick to them. Sometimes. Unless they relate to chocolate. Or spending less money. Or moisturizing more often.)

I am on an airplane on my way home from New York City, where I intended to take a vacation, but where I actually spent the full two days trying to figure out the subway system. I missed seeing a reportedly fabulous musical because I waited patiently for over an hour for the express train…which doesn’t run on weekends. But, I mean, how the heck was I supposed to know that? I’m a tourist, not a psychic. Sure, there was a massive sign on every single column that said, “THE EXPRESS TRAIN DOES NOT RUN ON WEEKENDS. I REPEAT: THE EXPRESS TRAIN DOES NOT RUN ON WEEKENDS. ATTENTION: KATE HEWLETT. NO EXPRESS TRAIN ON WEEKENDS. YES, I'M TALKING TO YOU, DUM-DUM.” But how was I to know?

To be honest, the actual reason why I waited so long and missed the musical was that I was so engrossed in my book, I didn’t notice the absence of the train. What was this magical and all-consuming book, you may ask? Well, imaginary friend who asks all the right questions, the book is called “The Book Thief” and it is now officially in my top five books of all time. It is wonderful. (Damn sad because it takes place in Munich during WWII, but wonderful.) It’s one of those “maybe don’t read this in public” books, though, because on every other page I found myself welling up. In New York, I’m now known as the crazy random crying lady who waits for non-trains for over an hour.

I had yet another subway mishap last night, when I got on the Q train instead of the Some Other Letter I Can’t Remember Right Now train and ended up in Brooklyn thirty six blocks away from where I was staying. And it was 1:30 in the morning. I am awesome. I walked the whole way, though, so I got some terror-filled exercise.

The good parts of the weekend:

-the Bridge Theatre Company’s season launch party (and no, curious imaginary friend, I didn’t drink booze. Thanks for asking. I’m at day 22 of 28 days on the wagon! Maybe the longest I’ve ever gone…since high school)
-hanging out with Martin Gero (twice! That guy just keeps following me around. Buying me dinner, finding time in his busy schedule to see readings of my plays, introducing me to Bill Nye the Science Guy – so frustrating)
-MEETING BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY (who is very funny and charming, by the way)
-spending time with one of my oldest friends (with whom, coincidentally, I always used to get in trouble in Science class. I guess that’s why I’m an actor, not a successful physicist with my own show. Yeah, let’s blame her for that. Dana, it's your fault that "Kate Schmate the Science Date" isn't sweeping the nation.
-buying some fantabulous Steve Madden boots (story to follow)
-working with a great new bunch of people on the Swearing Jar script.

The boot story: my friend and I went shopping. I spotted, flirted with, fell in love with and then acquired a pair of grey awesomeboots. As I was walking out of the store already sporting said awesomeboots, I noticed that one of my feet was considerably larger than the other one. Being a woman and a Canadian, I blamed myself. “My feet must be two different sizes," I said, "and I've just never noticed it before. Oh well." My friend, also a woman and a Canadian, but with bigger cahones, suggested that I check the bottom of the boots. One was a size larger than the other one. My feet are fine. Not gorgeous, but fine. I exchanged awesomeboot #2 for awesomeboot #3 and now all is well.

Oh! We are about to land in Toronto.

Now I get to see my cats.

Have a great week…

k.
p.s. Those aren't my boots in the picture. I just thought it might be nice to include a picture. Of boots.

Happy Thanksgiving! /

Well, it's Sunday. And I'm blogging. Just like I promised. But I've been writing a feature film treatment for the last four hours and my eyes are bleeding from staring at a computer screen for so long, so this will be BRIEF.

I'm off to the Hewletts for a turkey dinner (bringing my own tofurky slices and mushroom gravy, obviously...) and then to a friend's house for the tail-end of their Thanksgiving dinner. I feel like I should be writing tonight, but Thanksgiving is about loved ones, right? And mashed potatoes.

Here are some things that I am grateful for: my friends, my cats, my family (not in that order), The Wire, sunshine in the morning, rain anytime, the fact that I get to do what I love for a living (even though I forget that sometimes), my health, my hips (that's a lie, but if I say it enough I might start to believe it), chocolate soy milk, my apartment, my roommate, the fact that I saw a mouse in my bedroom the other day but haven't seen another one since, good movies, bad movies that make me believe I could write a movie, my freedom and my friends. (My friends are worth mentioning twice.)

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! And skip the turkey!

k.

I'm a blogging machine! /

Look at that. I'm back already.

At this rate, you'll be so sick of me by next Sunday, you'll be begging for the recent days of loft-in-translationlessness, when procrastination and facebook dominated my days, and pilsner and 30 Rock dominated my nights. No more! (But mostly because my video store doesn't have Season 3 of 30 Rock yet...)

This is just a quick update, because I want to answer a question from one of the lovely people who commented on my last post (thanks for the responses, by the way. I can't believe you guys are giving me a second chance! Or, if you found me on twitter, a first chance...) Arlessiar from Germany asked about "Fancy" and about my role in it, so I though I'd give you a quick rundown of the show and post a photo (I hope I'm allowed to do that...hmm...if I get sued, I'll blame Germany).

I found this synopsis of Fancy on inbaseline.com:

"Maureen Fancy is the host of a children's TV show. On screen she is perky and happy, but off screen she deals with the complications of the adult world."

It's kind of like 30 Rock meets Mr. Rogers. The writing is PHENOMENAL. Funny and touching and charming and smart (written and co-produced by my new idol, Wendy Hopkins). I play Maureen Fancy, and my best friend Leslie is played by the hilarious Jana Peck, with whom I instantly connected. She is insanely talented and has great things in her future...mark my words...

The male lead is played by Patrick McKenna. (Yes! Patrick McKenna of Traders and Red Green fame! If I believed in "squee"ing, I would "squee" right now.) He is such an amazing man and I learned so much from working with him, even though it was only for one week. Not only is he the consummate professional -- he is NICE. And genuine. I think if this thing goes to series, we could encounter some giggling issues because he's so damn funny and I'm so damn easily distracted, but other than that, it'll be smooth sailing.

We shot the pilot in August in Vancouver, but we won't find out until March (MARCH! FIVE MONTHS! TORTURE!) if it will go to series (on CBC). I will be over the moon if it does, but even if it doesn't, it was one of the greatest work experiences I've ever had. And I learned a lot. And, more importantly...it was fun.

See you Sunday...

...or in several hours if I keep avoiding writing this damn film treatment...

k.